1. Language gives us the ability to hold onto memories longer.

Forgiving is difficult because the human consciousness has a hard time living in the present. Although meditation is a way to empty thoughts that weighs us down, it is language that distracts us. When we think about the past that haunts us or the way we felt hurt by someone’s words or actions, we get stuck and find it hard to move on. The more we think about the past, the stronger the attachment, and thus forgiveness is put off like an unfulfilled chore.

2. There’s too much anger that causes a lack of self-control.

When you’re angry, the emotion can be strong and blinding that forgiveness will be the last thing on your mind. Anger is used as a false sense or empowerment to justify the way we refuse to approach the problem directly. Forgiveness comes from a place of understanding. When we hold onto excuses to feed our self-righteous attitude, we stop ourselves from wanting to understand and only allow ourselves to see what we want to see.

3. You may be scared to forgive, in fear of getting hurt again.

Perhaps you’re used to the same behaviors or actions repeating and don’t want to be disappointed again. As a result, you end up shutting yourself away, which doesn’t leave you any room to forgive. You may have developed over time to protect yourself from being hurt again, or you’re the one who is scared to ask for forgiveness because you fear letting others down again.

4. You may believe that the person who offended you deserves punishment.

When you hold a grudge against someone, it may be your attempt at punishing them. This is how you gain a sense of control and power after feeling hurt or victimized. But sometimes that punishment can be unresponsive and ineffective if the person isn’t aware that they have offended you. In reality, you may be carrying the heavy burden of grudge while the other person is moving on with their life.

5. You may feel misunderstood and find it hard to trust or let the offensive party in.

You may find it difficult to forgive someone if they never made you feel understood or heard. So, it’s easier to justify your decision to hold onto that resentment. After all, why should you forgive the person when they didn’t treat you well, right?